It’s been a little over a month since my husband and I have split up.
In short, I discovered he had been cheating on me for a few weeks. It hadn’t been the first time this has happened, unfortunately. He claimed to have a sex addiction and every time this has happened in the past, we went to both marriage and individual counseling. And for a few months everything would be hunky dory and right with the world. Then, he would stop going to counseling and we would be right back in the same situation.
This last time was the last straw.
I don’t want to go into detail, except to say that Karma plays out very well and I have seen it do so in the past month. I packed up my things and moved back in with my parents, which feels like a step backwards instead of forward. I have began researching on how divorce works in the state of Virginia, and unfortunately I will have to wait until January (six months) until we can go any further.
The first couple of weeks were the hardest. I was torn between sticking to my word and never going back to maybe giving him a few months to see if he would actually change. When it came down to it, I knew I would only be setting myself up for failure. There are still days that I miss the good days; the days where we were happy, went on adventures, or just genuinely loved being in each others presence. Things that have lacked severely in the past few months of our marriage. But I do not miss what I now see was an extremely psychologically and mentally abusive marriage. Did he ever lay his hands on me? No, but some marks can’t be seen by the human eye.
In the past month, I have felt like a weight has been lifted from my chest. I don’t have to worry as much how to financially take care of myself and him. I don’t have the ongoing fear of not being enough for somebody because I am enough for myself. I don’t have the burden of needing to take care of somebody who doesn’t want to be taken care of.
I smile more. I care about my appearance more. I appreciate myself more.
It’s going to be a long road to gain the confidence I had 3 years ago, but it’s a road I’m going to enjoy exploring.