Actually, it shouldn’t be a rough day. It started off great. Fell asleep at a decent hour last night, woke up around 10 this morning, went and got Bret and me some lunch at 11, and watched a movie on Netflix.
And then, almost as if my anxiety was on a timer, everything went to shit.
Bret usually goes and hangs out with friends on the days I work half a day, which I have no problem with – I know what it’s like to sit for hours on end, bored out of your mind. But when he said he might stay over with a buddy (yes, even though we’re married we still have days we just spend the night with friends), I lost it. And I didn’t even intend on being upset. All I wanted was a relaxing evening after work with my husband watching movies.
Bret had compromised and decided to just hang out with them until I got off work, but nooo, my brain couldn’t comprehend that. So then I started panicking that he would be angry and resent me for the rest of the evening, that I wasn’t enough, and my anxiety just took a life of its own and now I’m just angry at myself.
It’s easy to take a stand against your own anxiety. Actually sticking to it when it controls your life? Well, I have a lot to learn, apparently.
So now we start over.
Day 0 of not having anxiety completely destroying my life.