An Open Letter to My Anxiety

Here we go again. Same scenarios, different day.

It’s that tiny voice in my head that has to be the Debbie-downer of literally everything in my mind. You’re that part of my subconscious that puts doubt when things are actually going great in my life. You’re the part of me that says you’re not worthy of love, success, and true happiness. I see what you’re doing. Quite frankly, I don’t appreciate it.

Anxiety, you have become a freeloader on my thoughts and dreams, and it’s time for you to get the hell out.

It never seems to fail that you show up when you’re least welcome. My marriage is going great, my relationships with the family have gotten better, I feel positive about going into my work, and in general, I feel like a happier individual.

But you can’t let me stay happy and positive. No, that would be too simple.

So you wait until a minor argument spike between my husband and me, leading me to feel unworthy of his love and that he doesn’t care about me. In the back of my mind, I know that isn’t the case, but you snake into my thoughts and squeeze tight until the rational side of my thought process is deafened by your taunts.

You wait until my family is having fun by the poolside, or making plans for their yearly trip to the beach and begin to poke and prod that part of my thoughts, telling me they’re happier you’re not involved, and how your presence isn’t wanted. Once again, I know this is true, but you’ve always been a great manipulator, haven’t you?

You make me believe my job is the reason for my unhappiness and that I would be better off if I quit. My coworkers would be happier if I weren’t there. I know that’s a lie. So why do you have to lie to me?

Anxiety, you’re as bad as a drug that I didn’t ask to be addicted to. You’re nothing more than a bully, feeding off the depression and anguish you release on life. You pressure minds into thinking they’ll never be enough or loved enough.

And it’s time for me to take my life back.

I know it’s going to be hard and you’re going to fight me every step of the way. There’s going to be days I want to give into your peer pressure. But I’m going to learn how to fight back. I’m going to learn to push you to the back of my thoughts, to let positivity win. To have love win.

I will not let fear and uncertainty destroy my life.

I will destroy the fear.

I will always win.

I will live my life as just that.

Mine.

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